Jolly the Piano Player
I have had a passion for music all of my life. I remember as a young child singing all the lyrics to anything Michael Jackson or Toni Braxton. I would beg my parents to play country music on our road trips to Florida and I enjoyed banging on xylophones or creating interesting cadences with any music toy or tool I could find.
When I was seven, a family friend donated their piano to me because I would play on it every time we visited her. She saw my interest in the piano and convinced my parents to send me to lessons. I began piano lessons at age 8. I learned music quickly and often impressed my music teacher. My teacher would remind me every other week of how talented I was and that my gift could take me very far in life if I continued to use it. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking that far ahead (I was a kid) and didn’t really know what I wanted from the piano. I was just curious and wanted to play at that moment in time. I reached intermediate level around age 10. However, I began to show less enthusiasm for playing. I dreaded practicing for an hour everyday and I hated playing in front of people. I remember having a horrible recital at the end of my fifth grade year. I buckled down the following year after feeling embarrassed, but that focus only lasted maybe four more years. My parents would always push me to play in public or for their friends and I hated it. People would always compliment me after hearing me play, but I would go on “piano strikes” in rebellion which eventually lead to not practicing at all. After my first year in boarding school, I stopped completely. I just didn’t want to play.
As I grew older, I started to regret not sticking with my talent and I would find excuses to justify why I quit. Soon my excuses turned into plans to start again, but with no initiation. I asked my mother for an acoustic guitar one Christmas. I thought that learning a different instrument would secure my motivation to stick with music. It didn’t work. Every now and then, a young savant or talented piano player would appear on some talk show. I could never stand to watch because it would remind me of the fame I could have had. I even completed a music minor and practiced piano a little bit in college, but still didn’t keep at it steady.
I hated that my family never thought of music when they thought of me. Do they remember that I used to play? Do they know how much I love music? Some of my close friends new my love for music, but sometimes I thought they forgot or didn’t take me seriously. But how could I blame anyone but myself? I am the one that let it go.
From the day I stopped playing, I always told myself “oh no worries, I can play again” or “I’ll start back next month.” I am now 28, and this behavior has gone on too long. The longer I wait the more my talent slips away.
This blog is not only written by me to share my love of music, but as a different tool to direct me in staying focused in achieving my lifelong goal. I must get back to the piano and I don’t think I can leave this earth without reclaiming my talent.
This entry marks the beginning of my piano journal. I plan to upload an entry that documents my emotions, experiences and insights surrounding my piano practice regularly. I hope to not only reach my goal, but to provide a good read for other music lovers as well. And now that I’ve put myself out there, I have no choice but to stick with this.
Pray for me!
-Jolly
